If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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