I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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