That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
