But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
