I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
