I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
