I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
