I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
