I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
