Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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