Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
