So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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