normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
