i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
