So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
