Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
