; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
