plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
