I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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