I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
