It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
