The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
