You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
