You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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