Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
