Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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