you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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