It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
