Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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