i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
