we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
