just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
