I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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