Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
