Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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