Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
