I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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