so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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