STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
