Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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