Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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