The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
