There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
