Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
