she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
