I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
