highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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