True but thats because hes a fetus.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
