k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
