she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
two words...techno handjob
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
