Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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