my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
