She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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