that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Text me some of your sweat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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