i don't like sucking hair
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
