Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
