I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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