I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
