can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
