tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
