Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
