moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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