I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
