Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
