He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
