id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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