It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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