could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
