just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
