I cockslap morals
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
