Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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