pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
