Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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