I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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