Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
