Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
