dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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