your parents love me but you hate me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
