We're like a lot better than the average bears
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
