I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
